The most powerful word in the English language.

I had lunch with a friend yesterday. I was looking for some sage advice, and he’s often my go-to person for that. Even consultants need someone to talk with about their businesses, right? We dove into strategy and marketing, and I shared a peculiar project I’m working on.

He asked, “Don’t you know the most powerful word in the English language?”

I said, “What’s that?”

“No.”

Dang, he was right. I do struggle to say “No” sometimes. I suspect I’m not alone in that. There are many reasons why “No” is hard for people. It can be fear of missing out on an opportunity, fear of disappointing someone, fear of being perceived as unhelpful or incompetent, fear of being rude or insensitive, or fear of not knowing how to say it respectfully.

In all of the training that I’ve developed, we emphasize the importance of language. It’s crucial. One of the most common issues I see with struggling leaders is their fear of saying “the thing” out loud. So they end up saying nothing at all. They don’t address issues, congratulate successes, or offer the olive branch; they just stay silent because they don’t have or can’t find the words. So, we practice a lot. Yes, I make people role-play. Yes, they hate it. Spoiler alert: I hate it too. But it’s effective. You can’t use a skill you’ve never practiced, especially one you’re uncertain about.

Get good at “No.”

I thought about how I can get better at saying “No” and I’d like to share with you how I plan to practice it.

1. Be Clear and Direct: When you need to say no, be straightforward and concise. Avoid lengthy explanations or justifications. A simple, clear "No" followed by a brief reason, if necessary, is often the best approach. For example, "This project doesn’t align with my skill set."

2. Offer Alternatives: While you may not be able to fulfill the request, offering an alternative shows your willingness to help. Suggest someone else who might be able to assist or propose a different timeline that works for you. This keeps the door open for future collaboration and shows your problem-solving attitude.

3. Set Boundaries Early: Establishing your boundaries early on in your professional relationships makes saying no easier. Clearly communicate your capacity and priorities to your colleagues and clients. This way, they have realistic expectations and understand your limitations.

4. Practice Empathy: Acknowledging the other person's needs and feelings can soften the blow of a refusal. Show empathy by expressing appreciation for the opportunity or understanding their situation. For example, "I understand this project is important, and I appreciate you thinking of me. However, I have to decline due to my current commitments."

5. Stay Firm and Confident: It's crucial to stay firm in your decision once you've said no. Wavering or backtracking can undermine your credibility and lead to additional stress. Stand by your choice confidently, knowing that protecting your time and energy is vital for your productivity and well-being.

For me, practicing “No” is about making space to say “Yes” to things that are more interesting or exciting for me. It’s about focusing on the impactful work on our plates and ditching the distractions. My goal is to provide clarity for myself and my team and focus on what truly matters.