You are not crazy.
I made moves that I thought were getting me to an improved position but despite my best effort, there I was, backed up against a wall. I could see the actions of others, that in the moment, seemed obviously incorrect. On that day, I felt like things were just enough off kilter that it was unsettling. I felt out of control and I just wanted someone to lead me out of the mess. Any other day I could have probably handled this situation just fine. But that day- that day I felt crazy.
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine asked the benign question; “How are you?” I’m certain I took them by surprise because I cried. It is pretty unusual for me to cry. For weeks, I was feeling overwhelmed. Those tears sat just behind every “I’m great!” and “So good, thanks for asking!” response to that simple question.
In that moment, through the tears, I said “I’m fine. Really, I’m fine.” They laid their phone down, sat in silence for a moment while I tried to collect myself and then with a shrug said; “It’s ok if you’re not.”
Leadership can be a lonely seat. The ever-mounting pressure to know the way forward. The desire to serve. The inclination to absorb the issues and concerns for others so that they may perform well. The tough decisions. The politics. The failure. The criticism. It’s a lot.
In the weeks leading up to this, I felt myself losing my grip on the situation. I knew my resilience was tanking and I was craving validation and understanding. I was stressed out and needed help. But asking for help felt defining. It was an admission that I wasn’t “handling it.” I suspected that a conversation with someone who “gets it” might make me feel more in control but it was hard to ask for that time to talk about it. I appreciate my friend for not scurrying off at the sign of tears and instead helping me offload the pressure. I walked away feeling steady again.
It’s been a good while since I’ve been in a traditional leadership role. From my position now, more than ever, I see the need to sit across from leaders and be the one to say; “You are not crazy.” In the last 10 days, I’ve had four different executives reach out to me with their own version of my story. Each, in their own way feeling out of control, unsure of their next move, or losing their grip on a situation. Each of them, in their own right, are leaders that I respect. Leaders that I am flattered chose to dial my number over any other in their contact list.
You are not crazy.
This moment is crazy. It’s ok to ask for help and support to sort through the issue that has you feeling off balance. In the case of all four of those executives – and in my own case- the root of the issue that had us feeling “off” was about someone or something in our charge. And in every case we were 90% of the way to resolving the uncertainty on our own. We each just needed someone to put down whatever was in hand and give us a moment to release the pressure. We needed that person to validate that we aren’t wrong to feel a certain way about an issue. The validation steadies your hand and clears away the distraction of your internal dialog so that you can more easily resolve the last 10% of the issue.
None of us can do this job alone. If you’re looking for support in your leadership journey- I’d be honored to be the number you call.
A leadership coach is a great support mechanism but is not a mental health professional. If you think that you or someone you know would benefit from mental health services, you can find a provider in Vermilion County, Illinois at www.vchelp.org .